Thursday, February 10, 2005

A Soulfull Relationship

An African proverb states, " Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment tosomeone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a lowself-esteem make you blind to warning signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that youcan change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over timetheir flaws, vulnerabilities, pet pee ves, anddifferences will become more obvious. If you loveyour mate and want the relationship to grow andevolve, you've got to learn to close one eye andnot let every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many differentexpectations, emotional needs, values, dreams,weaknesses, and strengths. You are two uniqueindividuals who have decided to share a lifetogether.
Neither of you are perfect, but are youperfect for each other? Do you bring out the bestof each other? Do you compliment and compromisewith each other, or do you compete, compare, andcontrol? What do you bring to the relationship? Doyou bring past relationships, past hurt, pastmistrust, past pain?You can't take someone to the altar to alter himor her. You can't make someone love you or makesomeone stay.
If you develop self-esteem,spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won'tfind yourself making someone else responsible foryour happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, andselfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are thewrong reasons to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy,trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks,some getaway time without business or children anddaily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message ontheir voicemail or send a nice email. Sharingcommon goals and interests.
Growth is important.
Grow together, not away fromeach other, giving each other space to growwithout feeling insecure. Allow your mate to haveoutside interest. You can't always be together.Give each other a sense of belonging andassurances of commitment. Don't try to control oneanother. Learn each other's family situation.Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods.
Remember for richer or for poorer. If thesequalities are missing, the relationship will erodeas resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect,dishonesty, and pain replace the passion."
Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think."
The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever.Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight? Always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary.The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the "i".
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
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